LXXVIII. Sauce for the Golem

"We created a calzone golem," repeated Gendrew to the astonished barbarian. "Andolyn and I."

"You made a golem out of dough and tomato sauce?!" cried Adam. "Why on Oerth would you do such a thing??"

"We wanted to create something new," Gendrew explained, "something that would combine Andolyn’s magical talents for animation with my cooking skills."

"Yes, we’ve seen the results of her animations," observed Troy. "Oh, don’t worry about them," said Gendrew. "They’re easily replaced. Anyway," he continued, "we wanted something to guard the kitchen and the pantry when we were out."

"How did you end up tied to the bed," Zzyggy asked. "And what about those imps?"

"I think the imps were minions of a devil named Woganpuck," replied Gendrew. "Andolyn humiliated him some years ago, and he’s hated her ever since. He sent his imps to cause trouble for us. They got to me first."

"What about the golem?" inquired Adam, recalling the tomato sauce stains on Gendrew.

"The imps got to me while I was in the kitchen," said Gendrew. "First they attacked the golem. Drove it berserk. It clobbered me, then wrecked the kitchen. Then it went downstairs to the pantry. When I woke up, I was tied to the bed. Imps must’ve dragged me here. They’ve been tormenting me for two days."

Adam gave the injured man a cure light wounds potion, then told his companions, "I think we need re-inforcements!" Troy and Zzyggy agreed. "We’ll go back to the Moose," said Troy. "Fetch Fiora and Graves."

Gendrew wanted to stay at his home in case his wife returned, so Adam stayed with him.

Back in Cryllor, Troy and Zzyggy went back to the Home of the Moose. From inside the inn, they heard uproarious drunken laughter, but as it was late in the day they entered the inn and went to their quarters without investigating.

Next morning, having recovered from battle and prepared spells, Troy and Zzyggy left their quarters. Passing the common room, they spotted Fiora and Graves in the room eating breakfast!

"Hey, you two!" Troy called out. He went to their table and told them about the problem at the wizards’ home. "Come along, we need your help!" he urged. They readily agreed to join up.

Back at the house, Adam had continued speaking with Gendrew. He realized that he had looted the couple’s silver, and promptly gave them back. "Sorry, wasn’t thinking," he admitted. When the four other adventurers arrived, they joined with Adam and Gendrew and promptly proceeded to the kitchen.

What was once a well-appointed kitchen was now a disaster area. Pots and pans were strewn all over the room. Broken crockery lay on the floor. Foodstuffs and cooking ingredients splattered the walls and even the ceiling. There was a door to the right of the main entrance. A chair was propped against it, keeping it shut.

"The golem is downstairs in the pantry," advised Gendrew. "Be careful! It’s hot!"

Adam didn’t wait for further comment, but shoved the chair out of the way and ran down the stairs, shouting his war cry! Troy followed, then Zzyggy, then Fiora and Graves. "I’ll be in the kitchen!" Gendrew called out, as he started to clean up the wreckage.

The adventurers found that every shelf and container in the basement had been smashed. Standing in the middle of the room was a six-foot-tall creature that appeared to be made out of – baked dough, with traces of tomato sauce!

Instantly, the creature advanced toward Adam. Then it exhaled, and a cloud of nauseating, garlicky vapor surrounded the golem in a five-foot radius.

As Fiora rushed into the basement and took up a defensive position, Adam raged, then attacked the golem. He managed to shake off the stinking cloud effect of the vapors and launched a full attack upon the golem. The flaky foe, however, was unharmed, to Adam’s dismay.

Next down the stairs was Graves. Advancing into the pantry, he shot at the golem. An arrow pierced the crispy crust of the golem for heavy damage. Hot juices squirted from the wound, burning Adam in the process. "Watch out for that sauce!" cried the barbarian.

Troy ran up to the golem and tried to attack. The fighter inhaled the vapors as he advanced, but unlike Adam, was overcome by the cloud and became nauseated!

From the stairway, Zzyggy cast magic missile at the golem. The spell had no effect.

Th golem slammed Adam, scorching the barbarian. Adam resisted the effects of the golem’s fumes, but failed to hit the crunchy construct, even while flanking with Fiora, who had climbed over some wrecked crates and landed a stout blow in the meantime. Graves’ arrow went wide. Troy, still nauseated, moved back away from the melee.

A scorching ray from Zzyggy struck the golem. Unfortunately, not only was the golem not harmed, but it appeared to gain a thicker crust and become more heavily armored! "Arrrrgh!" groaned Zzyggy. "That’s twice now." He thought for a moment. "Of course," the gnome exclaimed, slapping his forehead. "Golem. Construct. Immune to magic!"

While Zzyggy was consulting his knowledge of golems, the golem was continuing its assault on Adam, slamming and burning him. Adam was beginning to show serious damage. His return attacks missed, as did those of the rest of the party. Troy, still nauseated, ran back toward some wrecked shelves.

Again Adam was pummeled and burned by the golem. Fiora, now outside the cloud of steamy vapors emitted by the golem, circled to flank the construct, then re-entered the cloud, intending to flank it. She resisted the noxious fumes, but failed to hit the crusty golem. Adam, however, was able to leave the cloud and quaff a cure moderate wounds potion, which was desperately needed.

Graves swung on the golem, but missed. Troy, still nauseous, remained in the corner he had retreated to.

Suddenly, a squad of four Zzyggy’s appeared, as the gnome cast mirror image on himself!

"Let’s see if this helps," he thought to himself.

Again the golem slammed Adam. Fiora stepped to the golem. She resisted the noxious vapors surrounding it, saw through it, and pierced its hard-baked hide. Hot tomato sauce squirted out, burning her and Adam, whose counterattack went wide. Then the cloud dissipated!

"Finally!" exclaimed Troy, as he recovered his senses. Unfortunately, not enough to shoot accurately.

Zzyggy, still trying to find an effective magical attack, cast ray of frost at the golem. The spell did no apparent damage. However, the construct seemed suddenly to move much slower than before. "Finally!" cried the gnome, echoing Troy.

The gnome’s satisfaction was short-lived: the golem stepped toward Graves, then breathed another gas cloud. Fiora bravely stepped up to the golem, shook off the vapor, and landed a heavy blow. Zzyggy shot an arrow that struck home as well. Again, Graves and the other adjacent adventurers took hot tomato sauce damage.

As the golem directed its attacks back to Adam, Fiora began choking on the construct’s noxious fumes and was forced to back away. Graves hopped onto a group of wrecked barrels, then shot at the golem but missed. Troy and Zzyggy likewise shot and missed.

Another attack on Adam by the golem landed heavily. The barbarian was nauseated and driven back out of the fumes. Fiora, herself nauseated, ran into the stairwell. Graves and Troy fumbled their weapons and struggled to recover them. The golem took advantage of the situation and slammed Troy. But Graves managed to retrieve his bow. His shot pierced the crust of the construct, which burned Troy with another stream of sauce. Fortunately, Troy avoided further sauce damage when Zzyggy’s arrow also found its mark. The golem was now heavily damaged and leaking sauce, mushrooms and bits of meatballs from multiple wounds.

The golem and Troy traded ineffective blows. But now Troy and Zzyggy were also nauseated by the golem’s vapors and forced to pull back!

The last adventurer standing, Graves, was slammed and seriously burned by the golem. He too was nauseated and forced to step away from the berserk pastry. The rest of the party continued to cough and retch, Zzyggy from the stairway, Troy from among wrecked shelves.

Another vicious slam sent Graves staggering. But finally, Fiora recovered enough to return to combat. She overcame the golem’s toxic fumes and flanked the construct, but missed with her attack.

At last, the noxious cloud about the golem dissipated again. The golem battered Fiora again, but now she saw her chance. A devastating blow slashed through the crusty armor of the golem, and finally it collapsed into a pile of burnt crust, tomato sauce, mushrooms and meatballs! Fiora picked up a slice of the crust, topped it with a few meatballs and held it up.

"Dinner is served!" cried the weary fighter.